Recipe for busy and successful people - you can skip this

It’s difficult to be as great as I am, you can’t even imagine. Men want to be like me, women want to be with me, it’s exhausting. Obviously, being a lonesome moron, you haven’t a bog of what I am talking about. 

Let me tell you. Having so many things to do, events to attend, trophies to win, hands to shake and babies to kiss, sometimes I don’t have a lot of time to spend in the kitchen and do amazing stuff like my world famous “Parmigiana di melanzane” or the award winning “Best Lasagna in the world”.

In between receiving awards and sleeping with your girlfriend, when I don’t have the time to produce the usual magic in the kitchen, I eat food that takes no time to cook (basically all you do in your entire miserable life).

I feel extremely generous today and I want to introduce you to an awesome treat that won’t take you more than 5 minutes and a microwave to prepare. It is Tesco’s Finest “Puy lentil & vine ripened tomato soup”. This ready to microwave soup is incredibly tasty and its ingredients feel fresh even to a sophisticated palate (mine, not yours). Most importantly all the bits are in there, clearly visible and it is not one of those mono-colour soups with consistency similar to diarrhea where you need to trust that the guy who made it put in turnip and chicken rather than cats eyeballs or if you're lucky his dinner’s leftovers. This is good stuff folks, real soup.

Yes, I drink fine Irish whiskey.

I also have many dirty coffee makers and a colander on my kitchen counter, congratulations you are not blind!

For the reading minus habens that don’t know how to microwave a soup here’s how I do it.

I remove the lid, stick the soup in the microwave, put the lid back on but making sure air can circulate in the tin. I set the microwave for 3 minutes, smoke a fag while doing creative stuff in the kitchen, I open a bottle of good expensive wine (I can, you can open your cheap Shiraz). I wait for the microwave to go “Ping!”, I open, mix the soup and give it another 2 minutes in the microwave. “Ping!” again, I take it out, pour it in a beautiful and expensive ceramic bowl and I wolf it down with a couple of slices of bread and a glass of nice Primitivo.

Result, in 10 minutes I am nicely fed and I can go back on your girlfriend. (yes I said "on") She’s delighted!