Test: Are you Irish?

I have to admit it, I have a weakness, I love the Irish. You guys are simply the best, your sense of humour and love for life hooked me to this fucked up island for the last 15 years.

But are you REALLY IRISH? Now you can find out with the pi_kitchen test!

Now moron, follow the instructions, it is going to be real easy, even for you. Answer the questions with option A, B or C. Keep track of how many As Bs and Cs you have and find out if you are Irish or not. If you are American you can go fuck yourself now, no I don't believe you. Your great great great grand father was not from Leitrim he was a filthy liar from Wisconsin, moron!

TEST: ARE YOU IRISH?

Question 1: You are in a fancy restaurant with friends enjoying a couple of drinks and relaxing with people you love. The waiter comes to the table and serves you a fantastic Duck a l’Orange, what’s your first thought?

A)  Wow, this looks awesome, I am salivating

B) Thank god they do Duck a l’Orange here, I don’t even remember the last time I had it

C) Where’s my spuds?

Duck a l’Orange, no spuds in sight.

Question 2: Your football team is being trashed beyond belief. Your players are headless chickens running around the pitch and the opponents look like giants in comparison. The opposition fans are laughing at you and so is the whole world watching on telly, what do you do?

A)  Fuck it, I am going home, I am sick of this.

B) God we are really poor, this is the last time ever I go watch these muppets

C) Looooow liiiiie the Fieeeelds of Athenryyyyy…

Awesomeness

Question 3: Your mortgage repayment is due next week, your credit card is maxed out, you have 50 quid in your pocket and no food in the fridge, what do you do?

A) I call my brother and ask him if he can dig me out of this bad situation, I really hope he can or I am fucked

B) I put my car on e-bay and will use the money I make to get me going for a couple of months, I can cycle to work anyway

C) Ahh sshure, it’s Thursday and I’m off to Kehoes’ for a few with my mates, it’s only money after all

Insolvent drinkers @ Kehoes (Dublin)

Question 4: What’s the proudest moment of you entire life?

A) The birth of my first daughter was amazing, for the first time I felt life was really worth it

B) I spent 6 months in Ghana teaching English to poor children, a humbling and life changing experience for me

C) Wait till I tell ya! So listen, there was the three of us, me Sean and Colin down in Sidney, so we went to this party in this bloke's place, he was from Termonfeckin the dirty bastard. You should have seen the amount of Irish people over there. To cut the long story short I had 20 pints, puked my guts out and woke up in Perth, great fun.

love it

Question 5: Something really bad happened, your best mate crashed his car, he and his wife are dead, what do you do?

 A) I don’t know what to say, I am speechless, I need to give support to his family, let me check when the funeral is

B) I am devastated, I call my kids to make sure they are OK and I hug my wife

C) I am going down to O’Sheas with my mates’ family and friends, we’ll have a few pints, tell good old happy stories about my mate and sing a few songs

Mourning for the dead in O'Sheas

Question 6: You are on holidays in Uzbekistan, what do you do for fun

A) I have done a lot of research before going and I have heard of this tradition where the Uzbekis (lol) go to celebrate their ancestors, I am not going to miss that

B)  I try to mix up with the locals and learn from them what's fun in Uzbekistan

C) I am not fucking going to Uzbekistan! There’s no Irish Pubs over there, screw it I’m going to New York, plenty of good Irish boozers in Manhattan!

No matter where you are, make sure you're with the Irish

Question7: You are in a restaurant, the waiter was an arrogant arsehole, food was awful and when opening the bill you had a mini stroke. The arrogant arsehole comes around to your table and asks you “Everything OK sir?”. What do you do?

A)  I tell him everything is not fuckin’ OK, the meal was bad, he was an arsehole and the bill is sickening high

B)  I say nothing but I will never get back to this place EVER again.

C) I make sure I smile nicely, look down because I don’t have the guts to keep the arsehole’s gaze and say “It was goooorgeous thank you!”. Straight after I leave, I write a post on Facebook where I tell everybody what a gorgeous meal I had and that the waiter was a bit of a ride as well.

Next time you go back wear this 

ANSWERS:

The majority of your answers are A: You are not Irish, fuck off

The majority of your answers are B: Neither are you, you're probably American, I told you not to do this, get the fuck out of my blog!!

The majority of your answers are C: Gotcha! You're either Padraic or Seamous or even a Sorcha or Siobhán and very likely your surname is O'Sullivan. You are Irish and I love you! Padraic and Seamous move along please I have things to do with Sorcha and Siobhán.