The best lasagna in the world

Ok losers, this is your fucking lucky day, I'm going to explain to you how to prepare the best lasagna in the world. 

I won a competition with this lasagna and if you are not as retarded as I think, you will make your ugly  girlfriend/boyfriend happy tonight.

The ragout, aka Bolognese sauce.

So, first of all the ragout, yes it's a french word and I do not know why cause only Italians are able to do a proper one.

Anyway, this is what you are going to need for the soffritto, a carrot, 2 bay leaves, half onion and one celery. 

Prepare the irish flag. (Yes, that is the Irish flag, not this one!)

Now, put 3 or 4 spoons of extra virgin olive oil and the bay leaves in a pot with medium-high fire.

When the oil is hot add the Irish flag.

When the onions are yellow add the meat.

Now the meat MUST be beef and pork, 400 grams of mince beef meat and 400 grams of mince pork meat .

Mix well the meat with the vegetables, don't go lay on your couch yet you lazy bastard. 

When the meat is all grey put one full glass of white wine. Yes, you can use shit wine from Chile,south Africa, California or Australia. 

Wait for the wine to evaporate before proceeding with the rest of the instructions!

Now, you need some tomato, I use this kind, because I know what is good and what is shit, so you have 2 options , either you do as I say and you buy the same kind of tomato sauce or alternatively you do as I say and you buy the same kind of tomato sauce.

You need one and a half cubes of stock, this is the best stock, but you can use other cheap stock if you want, but then don't blame me if your lasagna tastes like a rotten cow that just shat herself.

Ok, add the stock, the tomato sauce, 1 glass and a half of water, half tea spoon of salt and half tea spoon of sugar.

Put the fire on medium strength and half cover the pot. 

Let it cook for 1 hour and 45 minutes, not less , maybe more.

After your stupid movie is finished, you can check your ragout and it should have been reduced a lot, taste it. What? Tastes like a rotten cow that just shat herself? You stupid fucker, shove your fake stock cubes where you know now.

Congratulations!!!you just made a perfect Bolognese sauce. 

Ahahah I'm joking I know you are a moron and were not able to follow basic instructions. You made a mess, but I don't care and I will go ahead. 

The best Lasagna in the world.

I can make the greatest Besciamella sauce if I want, it is better than any other besciamella sauce on the market, but who the fuck do you think you are? If I make this too complicated your little brain will probably pop out from your nose like a snot and your head will explode. 

The truth is that I don't give a fuck, I couldn't buy milk today, so consider yourself lucky, and go buy a Besciamella sauce like this one.

Cut a mozzarella like in the picture.

Now boil some water with a tea spoon of salt, take 3 slices of good lasagne and put it in the boiling water for 3 or 4 minutes.

Photos upside down to give you headache.

In the mean time spread some butter all over the baking dish. Once is done, add half spoon of ragout and spread it all over the baking dish again.

Remove the lasagna slides from the boiling water and place them like in the picture.

Hahahah you used you hands to do it and you burnt your fingers!! Excellent!

Cover with the ragout, pieces of mozzarella and lots of grated Parmesan. No! you cannot use your stupid cheddar.

Cook another 3 slides of lasagna and when cooked cover the ragout with them.

Cover with the Besciamella sauce and add some ham.

Add Parmesan!!Yes again you cheap fuck.

Cook another 3 slides of lasagna and when cooked cover the Besciamella with them making sure you burn your hands again.

Add the ragout, mozzarella and guess what! yes, the amazing Parmesan.

Cook other 3 slides of lasagna and when cooked cover the ragout with them. 

Add the remaining besciamella and ragout all together, some very small pieces of butter to make it crispy on the top and again P A R M E S A N!!! 

Put the baking dish in a 200 degrees preheated oven for at least 45 minutes. What?? you did not start the oven yet? Do you want me to come and start your stupid oven? Don't you know that if i came to yours, your girlfriend would immediately leave you to be my slave? Don't worry I don't like fat ugly girls, you can have her.

Here you go

Fuckin' awesome lasagna, you will never be able to do it, forget it and go to McDonalds